RHNJ … Finally Finale

I’m not going to transcribe every single thing like I try to on some of my previous blogs. I’m going to do some of the finale and make generalizations about the rest, then I will sum up my opinions on these characters.

Previously: Danielle jabs Jacqueline for not being her own woman, Jacqueline explains to Caroline that her marriage is more important to her than a friendship with Danielle (rightly so, imo). Scene at the Brownstone charity event, Danielle shaking Chris M’s hand and Danny, her ex-con friend swaggers by calling the Manzos ‘punks’, calling Chris a ‘f*****’. Caroline voices ‘I never thought in a million years she’d go after the kids.’ Jacqueline grills Ashley about ‘did you threaten her?’ … Danielle lets her paranoia convince her that “bye” means “YOU WILL DIE NOW.” Danielle solos that she IS the victim … Caroline finds out Danielle will be at the Fashion Show that Jacqueline and Teresa are attending and solos that ‘she is not going into that spiderweb.’ Rehash of the verbal fight between them, chasing, and the hair pulling. Ashley’s court documents and she’s sneering at them. Kim G tells them Danielle will take whoever she can down. Basically, it’s all Danielle vs the world.

Ths episode: Everyone is meeting at the Giudice’s (Guidice’s … whichever) McMansion, without little Guidices (Thank you!) Teresa feels like she bonded with everyone because of the vacation (did she forget about throwing Caroline under the bus? Of course.) Caroline checks in on Ashley. Jacqueline tells that Danielle is pressing forward with the charges and embellishing even more. Caroline offers to meet with Danielle to see if she can negotiate a deal (except the only thing you’re offering is camera silence) to get her to leave them alone. And possibly drop the charges. Caroline lays down the law that if she gives her word that they will no longer mention/mess with Danielle, then NO ONE better … ASHLEY. Jacqueline backtracks that Ashley is the loose cannon. (I still say someone needed to sit her down and scare the living daylights outta her.)

(I agree with someone who suggested that their contracts say they must have camera time with each member of the cast, therefore they had to meet.)

Danielle gets the text and shares it with her daughters. Neither of them think it’s a good idea, and as usual she’ll go. She tells the world how she’s not the terrified person she was last year. She may be the matriarch of THAT family, but Danielle is the matriarch of HER family.

Jacqueline gets CJ out of the room to talk to Ashley and tells her the plan. Ashley shares her teenage wisdom with them. She will not publicly apologize. Jacqueline knows that Ashley doesn’t have a clue … about what it means for Caroline to step in for her.

Danny shows up at Danielle’s house as she’s “purging” her house, and Danielle shares the text. She brainstorms with him (scary thought, the two of them brainstorming) about who’s in charge and thinks that she did NOTHING wrong. (INCORRECT!! You brought your daughters to stalk an event at Caroline’s home, neglecting to take into account the $1000/plate fee. You kept calling Jacqueline and Dina to the party you threw yourself for your daughter’s modelling success, and made sure there were empty seats there to make a big deal about them rsvp’ing No, thank you. You thought you were hijacking a great friend of Caroline’s in Kim G, then later found out she wasn’t and were livid when you found out Kim was playing both sides. You brought a posse of thugs to the charity event – just because it was being held at the Brownstone and cameras would be there – and encouraged them to trash the place. I personally think she was PISSED that none of the other wives were there. That made her look more foolish and she knew it. You push buttons whenever you can, and focus on the weakest members, Ashley and Teresa. The others had/have successfully cut you out, which you are not equipped to take.) She says that Caroline has never had a conversation with her, yet she’s formed her opinion of Danielle … in Vicious ways. (What does that mean!? How does one viciously form an opinion? With a scowl on one’s face?) The 2 brainiacs feel that Caroline is the ‘boss’. Danny disagrees with Danielle and doesn’t think Caroline put them up to chasing her through the country club. Another grammatical crime (woman, instead of women.) They rant and I’m not transcribing that. Danny says not to be in a position where she’s vulnerable. Danielle says she’s bringing security. Someone turned a camera on Danielle and she’s hamming up her solos. Ugh.

Caroline’s kids question the sanity of meeting with her. (This is why I think she had to film with Danielle at least once this season, or they are in violation of their contract.) She’s going and is deciding on her outfit.

Danielle’s energist scans her over the phone.( I wish I had that job … let me ‘scan’ you over the phone and charge you a huge fee.) Danielle “I always feel it when you start on me.” (Shudder.) “Danielle’s mafia in place.”

Caroline is driving there. Danielle is on her way, talking big all the time. She’s brought armed guards. Caroline arranged for a private room so Danielle can’t drama it up for an audience.

The rest of the Manzo/Laurita/G — clan meet at another private room, probably in the Brownstone. They chat about the events while waiting. Ashley brats it up again with her mother, then leaves the room.

Chris L talks to Derek and suggests he tell her to mind her place (I have no problem with this, she DOES need to mind her place. She’s not a housewife and she’s not a full fledged ‘adult’ until she pays her own bills and supports herself. She doesn’t and it looks like it’s not happening anytime soon.) Lauren talks Ashley down and they all are back in the room. Derek chats with her.

They are still waiting for Caroline – who hasn’t yet had the meeting – and Teresa gains camera time by reminding Jacqueline that she told her they should go with Caroline (thus negating the whole intent). Albert looks irritated and offers up that he’s going to write a book, Fat Italians: How to eat yourself into a coma and die with a smile on your face. Teresa appreciates the shout out.

Caroline is seated at the table when Danielle comes in. “Caroline.” Caroline responds “Thanks for coming. I appreciate the effort.” Caroline says that she has tried very hard to stay out of her life this past year, regardless of the events that has happened. She’s told the others how she feels and now she’ll tell her. In her mind it’s a merry-go-round that never stops. Everyone is trying to be a winner in a losing game. Franklin Lakes is a small town and she’s tired of hearing stories and the nonsense. We are all adults, and if nothing else for our children and if nothing else to teach them the way adults should act. Danielle agrees, so far. Caroline continues that she is puzzled that she feels she needs to pursue this with Ashley from someone who has come from ‘that place’. The place of “I was young”, the place of “nobody was there for me.”
Danielle says she’s not perfect, she’s made her mistakes in her journey. She’s tried not to repeat them so I can embrace them as experiences that I can learn from. However, Ashley accosted me. And that was wrong.”
Caroline “I’m not going to argue that point. We have all told Ashley she was wrong.”
Danielle “What she did is illegal.”
Caroline “Agreed. I am not going to ever argue that-”
Danielle “There is no reason to Ever do that. When you … assault somebody, physically, you do have to – and I did have to – be punished.”
Caroline “You come from that place – now I let you speak, now allow me – to say ‘where was everybody when I was however old you were. Where was that person to say to me ‘You know what? You were wrong, you reacted, why don’t I give you a pass and get you through it.” Talking Head – You were that girl, You were that Kid, now is your moment to be that person of love and light in a good place and to show everybody I am in that good place and you’re all wrong about me.” Back to Meeting “You’re gonna sit here, and you’re gonna tell me you’re in a path to forgiveness -”
Danielle “Those are your words, even though I am on that path, those are your words…”
Caroline “I’m saying what you’re implying.”
Danielle “What I’m implying is I’ve made My mistakes along My journey, but this not about ME, this is about Ashley!”

(This is where the talking over each other really gets bad and I’m doing my best !)

Caroline “Ashley was dead wrong … you never put your hands on somebody. Never.” (Are you listening, Teresa???) “She’s 18 years old -”
Danielle “19.”
Caroline “At the time, 18. She reacted to something she thought her mother was getting hurt I’m not saying what she did was right-”
Danielle “Really? While I’m being chased by her mother and Teresa (?can’t make out the phrase) getting hurt.”
Caroline “One thing I will tell you, she has the integrity to say what she did is wrong.
Danielle “And what did I do that was wrong?”
Caroline “She’s taking responsibility for her actions -”
Danielle “Really? How So?”
Caroline “How So? By going to the court, by saying to the police officer ‘yes I did and this is why'”
Danielle “I was attacked, Caroline.”
Caroline “Let’s make something very clear here … there was no threat.” Talking Head “Tell the truth, then I’ll respect you.”
Danielle “Amazingly, I don’t need you to validate my life. Much like I haven’t given you or my family permission to attack me or assault me -”
Caroline “Give me one example where I have attacked you.”
Danielle “I have not done anything to deserve what has been tossed to me in my direction from your family.”
Caroline “Answer my question. Answer my question.”

Caroline “My children, my family, me … what have I done to attack you? One example right now.:
Danielle “Really?” (No answer … )
Caroline “Really.”

Danielle “Well, I’m going to ask you the same question … what have I ever done to you?”
Caroline “Me?”
Danielle “You.”
Caroline “Jacqueline is me. Dina is me. Lexi is me. Ashley is me. Okay.”
Danielle “Oh whatever, Caroline. Not anybody in your family … you.”
Caroline “When I stand, I don’t stand alone. I stand with my family.”
Danielle “And I stand with mine. I have 2 daughters, and I’m the matriarch of my family.”
Caroline “And God Bless your daughters. You have 2 beautiful children. And no one has ever gone to attack your children. But you continue to attack ours. It doesn’t work with the adults, you go for the children.”
Danielle “That’s not true.”
Caroline “Oh yes it is.”
Yes/No continues for a minute
Caroline “Okay, we could go back and forth with this”
Danielle “Steered clear of Everybody -”
Caroline “Oh really … oh really ”
Danielle “And you know what’s really fun -”
Caroline “Tell me.”
Danielle “All of you to feel like you’re really powerful in numbers. One on one, though – ”
Caroline “I’m here alone.
Danielle “One on one, though, would be really nice.”
Caroline “Here I am.”
Danielle “That’s great.”
Caroline “And I don’t come with a bodyguard.”
Danielle “But the rest of them … I don’t think … you know what? … I’m not making that mistake again.”
Caroline “I don’t come with a bodyguard.”
Danielle “Yeah, well I Had friends, and your family came and made friends with my friends -”
Caroline “Oh really.”
Danielle “Yes, oh really.”
Caroline “I’m not friends with your friends.”
Danielle “Well, you can stand there and say all that but I’ve seen with my own eyes what happens when people interfere with relationships.”
Caroline “I think you should look in the mirror. I think you should look in the mirror, and blame yourself.”
Danielle “I look at the mirror quite frankly a lot these days and you know what? I really like what I see.”
Caroline “It’s about time, you’re 47 years old, you take responsibility.”
Danielle “I did take responsibility for my actions .”
Caroline “No you don’t cause you still deny everything. You blame everyone else for your actions.”
Danielle “I did nothing to you or your family to deserve this.”
Caroline “I’ve never gone into your place of business and try to defame your place of business.”
Danielle “I’ve never did that.”
Caroline “Your entourage called my son a F*****.
Danielle “Not Me.” (No, you only smirked and encouraged and bragged about a subliminal F U to Caroline’s son)
Caroline “Where were your crocodile tears then?”
Danielle “What people do is their own responsibility.”
Caroline “Oh really -”
Danielle “Yeah, I will not take responsibility for others’ behavior.”
Caroline “So take responsibility for yours. For the first time.”
Danielle “And I have and how about you let others take responsibility for their – Don’t tell me that I don’t. You don’t know me. This is the first time we’ve sat down and talked.”
Caroline “That’s right.”
Danielle “The first time you met me you had me investigated.”
Caroline “I never had you investigated.”
Danielle “How about all Your friends that are under indictments right now?”
Caroline “The bottom line is this … okay. You can say what you want to say and you can portray yourself however you want to portray yourself. You are not fooling me. Kay. And you are not fooling too many other people.
Danielle “Who are you to sit in judgement of me? You’re not God!”
Caroline “I Am Not God.”
Danielle “So you don’t judge others.” (Like everyone has this whole season … )
Caroline “Get over yourself.”
Danielle “Don’t be holier than thou”
Caroline “Get over yourself. You know what you are? You know what you are? You’re a clown.”
Danielle “A clown?”
Caroline “A clown. You’re whole life is a joke.”
Danielle “You’re saying this sitting there with red hair?”
Caroline “Yeah.”
Danielle “I’m the clown.”
Caroline “Yes you are.”
Danielle “Really. You don’t need to judge me.”
Caroline “No matter how hard you try, no matter who you talk to, you. will. not. hurt. me. Do you know why? I have integrity, okay, and I sit here and I tell you truth. Okay, and when I called you garbage, I Meant that you were garbage.”
Danielle getting up “That’s enough.”
Caroline “Okay, have a nice life.”
Danielle “I am having an incredible life.”
Caroline “Fabulous.”
Danielle “So you called me, and your sister Dina called me to get together with me.”
Caroline “Have a nice life. Remember you’re walking away from me.”
Danielle “You know what Caroline, you don’t call people garbage once. or twice.” (My daughter pointed out that she just did.)
Caroline “Bye.”
Danielle “You understand that?”
Caroline “Bye. You’re walking away from me.”
Danielle “I always do.”
Caroline “See ya later.”

Danielle goes outside and calls for her driver … then gripes about being called garbage.
Caroline talks about coming there with good intentions. Says Danielle is blank, vacant, and soulless. There’s nothing there.
Danielle says very very funny .. very funny stuff. Her family has … I don’t think she just expected me to be able to stand up for myself. It’s nice that she wants me to drop charges against Ashley but why would I? I’m not going to be called garbage. By her or anybody. Talking Head “Know your place, Caroline … she aint no matriarch of My Family, and I’ll tell you one other thing about her …. she’s the clown. Teresa’s husband is a drunk. Jacqueline … certifiable. My kids wore lace and crinolin at those ages … my dogs wore leopard.”

Danielle … introduces the bodyguards to her children and tells them to say thank you. Jillian hugs, and Danielle laughs and says yeah, we hug. It’s done. So that’s it, it’s finished.
Christine is modeling for IMG Models and is featured in Blackbook Magazine.
Jillian is pursuing a recording career and performed at a New York street fair.
Danielle currently has a tell-all momoir and a pop song. A sex tape with her and a “mystery man” has also been released by Hustler.

Caroline … enters and is greeted by everyone. Jacqueline says no blood, no scratches. Teresa tells us her eyes were as red as her hair. Like, she went through hell. Caroline said “from the first there was a wall up. Asked why she couldn’t be more compassionate and that set Danielle off. Long and short is I called her clown, I called her garbage. It was a rotten moment, I hated that I had to be there but the bottom line is this: I sat there for each of you and I spoke for all of you in saying It’s over. She cannot hurt us because we are a family. And Ashley, I went to bat for you and I fought for you. Guess what? It’s over. From this point on, if anybody goes back there, you’re on your own. Cause then you deserve it. ” Ashley thanks Aunt Caroline and Caroline responds “We’re family. That’s what we do. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I have a headache.” Ashley apologizes to her mom and they make up.
Ashley pled guilty to one count of simple assault for pulling out Danielle’s hair extensions and paid a $189 fine. The judge dismissed the harassment charge.
Jacqueline is trying to lose the baby weight and is steering clear of the Danielle drama. She remains friendly with Kim G.

Teresa is enjoying the success of her best-selling cookbook, Skinny Italian. Despite declaring $11 million worth of debt and filing for bankruptcy, she and Joe maintain that their home is NOT in foreclosure.

(Baby Nicholas and Baby Audrianna are cute together … Albie tells Nicholas he’s coming on too strong and to send her a text!)

Albie graduated from the police academy and hopes to return to law school.
Chris M works as Banquet Manager at the Brownstone but still plans to open a strip club/car wash someday.
Lauren continues to work as a makeup artist. She is still dating Vito, with Albie’s blessing.

Caroline gives a toast to everyone there … yada yada yada.

OKAY, Now here’s my take on these characters:

Danielle – Just because Teresa and Joe showed themselves to be criminals does not diminish what she is. She is still that morally bankrupt person who sneaks behind the scenes to stir up trouble, then tries to play victim when caught. She is not above hijacking a charity event for a baby with cancer. She’s a stalker. She preys on the weak and there is a reason all her friends eventually leave.

Christine – Good luck with your modelling career, and your studies!
Jillian – Good luck with your songwriting.

Teresa – Grasping for anything she can get and does not believe she has to pay. Believes she is prettier than she actually is. Doesn’t understand teaching her children to NOT be annoying in public. Horrible voice. Horrible character. Enough of the fake sex talk. No one believes you anymore. Just as guilty as her husband of Theft. No one piles up $11million by accident.

Joe – probably has a gf on the side, at least until the financial woes hit the media. Theif, had no intention or way of paying people for their products/services and took it anyway. Needed to firmly tell Teresa to stop making asses of themselves but could not find the way to do it.

Guidice children – Good luck to them all.

Jacqueline – enabler to Ashley. I think she’s a good mom to CJ and the baby, but was very young with Ashley and grew up more friends than mom/daughter. Is very lucky to have her family and I think she knows it. Classless when paired with Teresa.

Chris L – seems like a great husband. Very quiet and in the background mostly, until Ashley acts up.

Ashley – needs to grow up and wise up. That teenage logic is not cute and it reflects badly on her.

Caroline – I like Caroline. She was the only one to not film with Danielle the whole season, until the very last episode. And I believe Bravo told them they had to because of their contracts. Good mom, good friend, I would like to see her with other friends or being around people that she’s not related to. There is a lot of potential here.

Albert – seems to be very strong/mostly silent. Best line of the season was when he insisted he didn’t want to go with kids. He was very patient with Gabriella. Straight to the point with Albie, either he’ll use this as an incentive to get motivated on law, or he didn’t belong in law.

Albie – put up or shut up about Law. Is it his dream or his mom’s? We’ll see eventually. Good luck!

Chris M – Great idea man, seems mature and responsible. Fun to watch. Good luck!

Lauren – stayed mostly out of the camera range. Good luck to her and Vito, and her career.

Dina – Made a choice and should steer clear. Cameos maybe with Caroline and Jacqueline, but she quit so she should stay quit. Who cares why she quit … Danielle was probably part of it but there was something amiss. I believe she is a trophy wife, and that’s just sad.

Lexi – missed seeing you this season, but it was definitely in your best interests. Good luck!


RHNJ: America Blushes, part 2.

Sorry for the tardiness of this recap, school started and my time is gone!

Joe was arrested for DUI, Danny/Danielle love it and dis while Joe explains it away. Kim G tells Danielle off (and is not heard from again … scary.) Caroline/Teresa/Jacqueline decide to go on a trip to … Italy! Grandparents come along to babysit, so why did Caroline and Albert get stuck with Teresa’s kids, Caroline asks. Talk of Teresa’s family reunion …

This episode:
Everyone is checking out of the hotel room, there is talk that “they” will get the luggage, but Joe refuses and gets all 1000 of their luggage, griping and swearing and abusing garbage cans all the way. They loaded up on a bus, Jacqueline comments -makes fun of missing the accessory bag, predicting that if the girls didn’t have a bow on their heads, Teresa would make one out of toilet paper. (I believe her) – and Teresa explains to MiniMe Milania that they are seeing Naples. Miliania whines and screeches and Teresa tells her to stop or she’ll go to the back of the bus with Joe. (Clearly, she did not see Joe’s “NO SHE WON’T” look) Caroline is annoyed, explaining that it’s been a LONG time since she had little ones that small. Teresa, oblivious to the fact that her kids’ whining is extremely irritating to the rest of the world doesn’t get why Caroline is in a funky mood. She opines that they’re not on the boat anymore so she should be fine. (And she would be, if it were an adults only trip like it should have been.) She decides she doesn’t feel responsible at all for other people’s crappy moods … that’s on them. (Funny how it always happens when you and your MiniMes express displeasure at anything.) Teresa spots Mt. Vesuvius and asks if that’s the hill they’re going to where their village is located. She finds out it’s Mt. Vesuvius and she informs America that it erupted hundreds of years ago … or was it sixty? Hundred …. or sixty?? Whatever, close enough. It’s a big volcano and that’s not where they’re going so it’s not important. (Welcome to Teresa’s world. Let’s go across the ocean and NOT go to a famous volcano because it has nothing to do with ME.) Teresa “It looks like there’s smoke coming out of it” Someone on the bus “No, that’s not smoke .. that’s fog over there.” Teresa feels better, knowing she and her MiniMes will not have to worry about an eruption this episode.

Checking into their hotel room, Joe lugs many backs while Teresa asks “Girls, look at our room … do you girls like it?” (Why does she continue to ask her girls these questions? Camera time for them? Best-mommy-award? If they say they hate it, would Teresa do anything about it?? Ugh.) Teresa exclaims how nice it is … Joe grumbles that it’s raining. Then the girls discover a strange thing in the bathroom (no, it’s not daddy OR mommy), the girls say it’s a little sink. Teresa (woman of the world that she is) tries to tell her girls that it’s a “oo buh deh”, says she doesn’t know how to say it in English, asks Joe for help and he can’t come up with the word either …. “they don’t even use them in America … they’re like douches.” (Meanwhile the kids are still playing with it and I’m screaming inside my head to GET THEM OFF IT!)

Caroline and Albert fall on their bed, chat about Caroline’s parents. She’s angry that they didn’t teach her Italian because they wanted to fit in when they immigrated. They want to go to see the Pompeii ruins but realize it’s not in the cards because of the number of people in the group. (Why couldn’t they escape for a couple of hours?? I’d be hacked. Teresa sure didn’t pay for it, so I don’t know why she seemed in control of activities. I would have to go anyway.) They talk about escaping and laugh, then mention Gabriella would miss them. Talk about disciplining kids and how it’s different.

Danielle … Must have a talk with the girls. Christine is trying to talk and text at the same time, and like moms everywhere Danielle shuts that down. Talk about finding her bio mom, because all family talks must be about Danielle. Danielle brings up how wrowung it was for “them” to talk about it because the girls should have found out from her. (These kids look like “So what? Get over it. Mom’s on another rant.”) Christine sucks up by agreeing with her mom, and asking her to be happy about it. Danielle dramatizes how pitiful she is, and how blessed her daughters are to have her for a mom. The girls encourage her to try to find her mom, and Christine uses the word “ass”. HORRORS! Danielle immediately shuts that down and she rephrases to “butt”. (This from the woman <–this word used correctly! – who throws around F bombs all the time and frequently flips the bird to any who annoy her. Which seems to be everyone at some point in time.) Danielle asks to “explode it”, and her girls unenthusiastically comply.

Piazza San Domenico … Caroline, Chris and their parents meet and discuss how they appreciate getting to come on the trip. Nice to see where they came from … they did appreciate it. (I love this family. Wish we’d see more of Caroline and Chris interacting. She did name one of her sons after her brother.) Chris took the group to “the best restaurant in the city, which has the best pizza in the WORLD.” according to Caroline. They ate like they were going to jail. (Foreshadow? For next season?) Teresa gives the agenda for the next day … Jacqueline asks if her family dresses in fur and leopard. They talk about how Joe’s family lives on a steep hill, and Jacqueline is concerned about the kids and the “Old People”. She makes an announcement about it, which irritates Teresa (who already has everything planned out in her tiny head and does not want to deviate from the plan) who says that they have old people in Italy and they do it all the time so her group can.

Danielle … Danny comes over to go to lunch with her. Danny informs her that the others have gone to Italy so Danielle gets excited because now she can go to Market Basket for the best panini without fear of being attacked by those woman (<–NOT used correctly. Again.) She thinks they will ambush her if she ambles over to Franklin Lakes. She doesn’t want to know what those lunatics are doing in Italy. She hopes there’s no Titanic weather while they’re on that cruise. Danny mentions he’s been in contact with one of Ashley’s friends – Danielle objects “Ashley doesn’t have friends!!!” – then says they’re (didn’t he just say ONE? now it’s THEY?) coming to him and asking what they can do for you?? Danielle reminds us that she’s got terroristic tendencies, and rambles more about how everyone’s out to get her. (Maybe some agree, but I don’t. She messed with an immature teenager and got an immature teenage response. The other WOMEN, Teresa included, wouldn’t physically touch her. Of course now the reunion’s coming up and I may have to retract that statement. Also, how creepy that this goon would associate with kids. To quote Kelly Killoreen Bensimon … Creepy!)

Back to Italy … they are checking out of the hotel. Jacqueline solos that it will be fun to see where Teresa and Joe were from, and where they lived, and where they were conceived … (UGH.) Joe is ranting about the cost of the room, he paid 850 Euros and his father paid 650 Euros. His mom rants “How stupid we are. we gotta come to Naples to let them steal our money!” Gabriella whacks MiniMe Milania, who starts screaming, adding to the chaos of 20 people loading up. Teresa “Joe! Stop cursing in front of the kids.” Joe “I don’t give a sh**.” Teresa “Relax, kid.” Joe “No.” Teresa “Joooe.” Joe “Leave me alone.” Then he continues his rant about the hotel, saying he thought it was for 3 rooms but his father was charged too. He didn’t touch nuthin outta the mini bar, Jacqueline solos about how he’s bitching about how everything costs … (Then, in one of the best lines of the episode) she intones “You eat. You drink. You pay.” (Now we know they are not familiar with that concept.) Joe reads from the itemized list of the minibar … “Cognac, vodka. Who drank the cognac?? My father don’t drink no cognac! Whiskey .. I don’t even drink whiskey! (Didn’t you drink some ‘after’ your accident?) That’s BS. A bowl of Pasta?!? How much a bowl of pasta?? 400 Euros? Who the hell would come to Italy again? …. I feel like going back just to beat’em up just acause of that bill.” Throughout his tirade, there were shots of his kids ignoring him (because they were used to it) and the bus driver ignoring him (sadly, he’s probably used to rude tourists), and Teresa’s voice. (ugh.) He continues “How could we do 2200 dollars in drinks in one night?? And the breakfast sucked.” Caroline “Between the hotel bill and the mini bar bill, and everything else, he was done with it.” Joe “I had a cuppa cawfee and a friggin sh***y ham sandwich for $1000.” Teresa “When Joe gets that way, I just ignore it. I hope seeing his family is gonna cheer him up.” Chris and the others are laughing, and even Joe is smirking as he rants. Teresa gives directions to the driver where the town is, and Joe instructs the bus at large “I’m friggin hungry … we’ll see a little bit of the town, but we gotta go do what we gotta do. We gotta eat, and we gotta be civilized. No more bs’in around.” (<–another one of the best lines of the episode.) The irony of this is not lost on Caroline or her father and they lose it. Caroline cannot keep it quiet, and it is probably the best laugh she’s had on the whole trip.

San Consalina … Joe loves it here. Jacqueline informs us that the hill is beyond steep! Some of the older people heeded her warning. Both Chris/Caroline’s parents and Teresa’s parents stayed behind with Audriana. Gia, Gabriella, Milania, CJ went, with Nicholas like a little king being brought up the hill. There were some vehicles there, so I don’t know why they didn’t arrange for transportation up the hill unless that was ‘the’ activity for the day. Kids are wandering, Joe instructs Gia to grab Milania, Caroline compliments Teresa’s spike heels. Teresa points out they’re gonna pass her dad’s house, where her dad grew up. She solos that “we” own a house here but we need to fix it up. It’s where her dad grew up. I just hope we’ll be able to afford to fix it. More climbing, talking about the old days they used to have donkeys. In the street, they meet “Joe’s father’s mother’s sister.” Then Joe’s grandma, who grabs everyone and cries and kisses/hugs the kids. Teresa tells us she’s 83 years old and has 23 grandchildren.

Danielle … meets with the private investigator who is helping to find her mother. She knows date and place of birth, and “ethninticity.” She was Catholic, and Italian and that’s what she’s been going on her whole entire life. Her biological mom was 15. He tells her it’s not going to be easy or fast, but she is aware and wants another adult in her life. He tells her that her mom has to make the decision to meet or not. Danielle directs “I’m just looking to be part of a family. HOWEVER, if she is addicted to any drugs or alcohol, or if she’s homeless … I can’t take that into my life. I’m not finding her to make HER better, I’m finding her to make ME better.” She tells them that if they find her mom and she doesn’t want to meet with Danielle, Danielle wants the p.i.’s to tell her, not her mother.

The walk up the hill continues, and Joe greets an aunt and uncle (I think!). More greeting all around and introductions … Teresa informs us that “Joe speaks Italian and I speak Italian, and she didn’t speak English until Kindergarten, which is why sometimes her saying things don’t come out right.” (Umm, She’s 30something years old and she’s blaming the first 5 years of her life for her inability to communicate in English??? Right. And Joe just yawned and wrecked the car, then went for a couple of drinks to calm his nerves…!) Caroline shares the view with Albert and calls Gabriella over. She says Teresa and Joe’s family speak Italian, but it’s uncomfortable for her. Her grandparents wanted to be more American so it didn’t trickle down. Teresa introduces Caroline and Jacqueline to the cousins, Jacqueline solos that being in Italy was nice because it was away from the whole Danielle situation, and wishes she would move to another country, or another planet. (Had to get that Danielle plug in there this episode too, huh? Was it part of the deal? We won’t take her but you have to mention her.) Food time! Joe’s family’s house put on some food. Caroline and Jacqueline was interested in that.

Joe took them to the pig slaughter house … (Caroline and Jacqueline were a little disgusted … but I’m more a country girl so it was funny to me.) Joe tells them every 5 minutes you’d hear a pig squealing, and laughs at their response. MiniMe Milania whines that she wants to go see the piggies, and Caroline suggests that they at least give them a percocet and let it go down naturally.

Teresa has her uncle walk out on the balcony to wave to them. He does and that’s another box checked. Jacqueline made 2 plates of spaghetti and found Caroline, who thought it comical that they were eating at someone’s house she had no idea which one that was … and she’s closer in age to Teresa and Joe’s parents than to them.

Now comes the climb down the hill … Joe gripes at Teresa, one of the kids worries about Teresa’s spike heels. Joe and Teresa mock (?) fight all the way down the huge hill. Caroline explains that everyone fights and there’s nothing to worry about. Joe continues the fight and makes up with Gabriella. Joe’s parents point out the church they were married in. Then she points out the place where Joe was born, a brown door on a balcony. Teresa yells at her kids not to run because it’s dangerous … and wait for mommy because mommy has heels on.

Danielle … private detective calls in to tell her that because her mom was a minor that it will take some time to locate the file. He said it could be tomorrow, or it could be ten years from now. Danielle bravely accepts this and is so … ?? (I don’t know the word to use … martyred? UGH.) Christine gives her mom a pep talk about it.

Italy … Teresa’s family dinner. Audriana was with Teresa’s parents, so no one got to see her. They make their entrance (and wow. What in the heck has she done to her children??? Were there no child police in Italy to stop this monstrocity??) and Teresa makes a toast to her family. Caroline says there’s a bond there and she’ll protect it to the end. (I guess this is why she’s had Teresa and Joe’s back in lieu of all the troubles.)

NEW JERSEY … no film of the trip home, they are just home. Caroline, sees her boys at home and gets a hug. They did well, the house is in one piece and clean. The boys tell them to go up and change and they’ll make something to eat. Teresa directs the girls upstairs and MiniMe Milania loved it so much she didn’t want to be home. Joe tells Gia to go to bed before he kicks her butt. She’s laid out on the luggage and doesn’t want to move. MiniMe Milania crawls on her bed with a sippy cup clenched in her teeth, Joe and Teresa on their bed, Teresa tells Joe 3 times she loves him before he repeats it back. She’s glad to have “the old Joe back.” He does give a quick kiss on the nose.

Jacqueline … undressing Nicholas, and talks about coming back to the drama. She says Ashley will face up to the hair pulling because it happened, but not to the lies.

Next time on RHNJ: Caroline tells her family (and Teresa) that she’s so tired of hearing her family battle this lunatic. Danielle rants to Danny “Caroline, Who the ___ Are YOU? You come face to face with me and tell me what is your problem?!?” Caroline “She just is so driven … to try to hurt every single one of us.” Danielle “When you … assault somebody. You do … have to be punished.” Caroline “Can we find a solution to make her go away?” Caroline texts Danielle for a sit down meeting, and Danny tells Danielle if she wants to meet with you, you meet her. (The text reads ‘I’d like to put an end to all the nonsense. Let me know when you if you are available to meet Sunday at 2.’ The weird part is that there was a send button there and qwerty keyboard. If that was Caroline’s phone, it would make sense but they made it look like Danielle was holding it.) Caroline “Just trying to be a winner, in a losing game.” Camera shots of big guys, and Danielle comments over a walkie “Danielle’s mafia, in place.” Then “There’s guys here with guns. Know your place, Caroline.” Caroline “I will never start a fight, but I never back down from one either.”

This has to be part of the reason Danielle isn’t coming back. She brought men with guns to a sit down meeting between two women. That’s looney, and disturbed behavior. She needed to go.

Teresa needs to go. She’s a common thief. Do not reward her grifting ways.

Let Jacqueline be the go-between between 3 or 4 new housewives and Caroline. We can bring back the FUN in the franchise … come on, Andy.

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All Real Housewives … TOTAL RECAST PLEASE!!

I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County in it’s second season, so I missed the Kimberly (I think that’s her name, the one that had cancer and left the state) episodes until I caught the reruns on Bravo.

Vicki was right, that was back when Real Housewives was fun … they shopped and there was no catfights and it was just fun to watch and make fun of these shallow women whose priorities were different than most of the rest of America.

OC Originals:
Laurie – trouble with son, teenage daughter spoiled, money problems, working for Vicki, found her Sugar Daddy “Prince Charming”, married and left the show.
Vicki – businesswoman, lazy son, daughter was normal, husband a bit henpecked, still on the show. (I still love Vicki)
Jeanna – realtor, obnoxious older son baseball genius, fun daughter, overlooked younger son also in baseball, estranged husband living there but not ‘there’, Opted out to have a real life and is currently on a weight loss reality show.
Jo – kept fiance of Slimey Slade who tried to mold her into someone she’s not. Aspiring singer, obnoxious baby talk, cut an album, had reality dating show with former fiance Slimey, and has dropped out of Bravo’s sights for now. Thank Goodness.
Kimberly – seemed okay but had problems with cancer which she overcame, moved after first season. Good luck to her.

OC replacements:
Tammy Knickerbocker – one of the few replacements that worked. Miss her, she was divorced with 2 kids and was fun to watch. Hated when she opted out.
Tamra Barney – fake everything, inside and out. Cannot trust a thing she says. Strange relationship with her slimey son, the other kids seemed ‘normal’. Husband Simon was controlling but seemed the sane one at first. She turned extremely catty to Gretchen – who was competition for ‘hottest housewife’ – and needs to be kicked off the series.
Quinn – grandma cougar who was never shown in a favorable light. Felt sorry for her and was glad she (or they) opted not to return.
Gretchen – gold digger, used Slimey to get on the show, then BAM! after her “fiance” passes, they are a couple. Tried many brands that failed, continuing on hoping something will stick … had a fake charity honoring her late “fiance” that has suddenly disappeared. Needs to be kicked off the series.
Lynne – 2 spoiled teenage daughters, enabler with husband, rumors of currently using mood enhancing chemicals that her onscreen behavior does not contradict, bankrupt and blamed husband for not letting her know then spending $1000 on a leather jacket. Not renewed for current season. (Yeah!)
Alexis B – fake to her toes and full of herself, obnoxiously submissive to disgusting husband, mommy with 300 nannies (okay, 3 that they “scaled down” to 1), out to not be overrun to the point that she confronts without the mental capacity to be effective, plastic surgery overdone. Needs to be kicked off.
New Girl – sources say married with children, longtime friend of Alexis B. Nuff said for me, kick her off before the season starts.

NY Originals:
Jill – started as the Jewish mom of the group, but as her camera time grew so did her ego. Was told by Bravo to amp it up and decided to exploit a disagreement with bff Bethenny with herself coming off as victim. Bravo made sure the episodes caught her ‘not quite a victim’ behavior and she became public enemy #1. After Bethenny lost her dad and became pregnant, focused on another cast member to hate. Needs to GO AWAY and leave media alone.
Bethenny – single woman (not sure how she was a housewife but she was entertaining) with many brands, biting tongue who owns up to her mistakes, CHEF, first season looking to move her relationship with fiance forward, he was not interested, they broke up. By second season so many life changing things happened – death of her father, engagement/married to new boyfriend, pregnant, authoress of many #1 best sellers, and bff trying to turn the world against her because SHE got her own show and bff didn’t … already got her own show and says she won’t be back. Good for her!
Alex – mom of 2 very rowdy boys, wife to Simon who is his own personality, was not willing to do anything without Simon until 3rd season, voice of reason and clarity, had her fill of Jill’s constant criticism and became Jill’s target after Bethenny became too sympathetic.
Luanne – loves her title of “countess” too much, full of herself, loves to point out flaws in others that she displays herself. Mom of 2 teens, boy and girl, and recently divorced and now dating. Made a record “Money can’t buy you class”. Autotune on overdrive.

NY Replacements/Addons:
Kelly – space cadet, rude, mental health issues, … NEEDS TO GO.
Sonja – a breath of fresh air compared to the insanity around her. Did not involve herself in the fight, but was a great one to cut through the bs and get to the heart of the matter.
Jennifer – promised a spot, filmed, only shown when she was with the others. Not a real RH. Take this as a sign and RUN AWAY!

Atlanta Originals:
LaShawn – the more sane of the Atlanta group, professional athlete husband divorced her for girlfriend, Let go for being boring after 1st season.
Nene – outlandish, loud, opinionated, does not let anyone else speak, full of herself, mom of one son who has recently had brushes with the law, going through divorce from husband, PLEASE GO AWAY.
Sheree – pretentious, tries to be classy but fails miserably, had a design line that she dropped, feuds with Nene, NEEDS TO GO.
Kim – fake hair, fake face, fake everything. Has/had a Sugar Daddy, Big Poppa who paid for her whole life. 2 girls from 1st husband who also pays for her life. Made a record, “Don’t be Tardy for the Party” with Kandi’s help – and Autotune. PLEASE GO AWAY.
Lisa – married to professional athlete, now retired, mom with some from 1st marriage and 1 from current husband. Had many brands, including a design label. NEEDS TO GO.

Atlanta Additions:
Kandi – one of the few additions I liked. Talented singer/songwriter, mom of one girl, fiance that her mom didn’t like, they broke up and he passed away in a fight at the bar he owned. Too good for this genre.
Two more additions, but I know nothing of them yet.

New Jersey Originals:
Danielle – ex felon, mom of 2 surprisingly ‘normal’ girls from 2nd marriage, delusional, scary plastic surgeries, mental issues, has no problem hijacking a charity event for a cancer ridden child for her own agenda. Takes bodyguards with her everywhere and feuds with everyone she befriends. NEEDS TO GO and everyone needs bodyguards from her.
Teresa – mom of 4 girls, wife and co defendant to Joe, seen spending thousands of dollars in cash, then spends even after filing bankruptcy, makes up her own words at times, enables her children in unacceptable behavior, talks constantly of sex with her husband who seems uninterested in later episodes. NEEDS TO GO to jail.
Dina – the pretty one, mom of 1 teenager from previous marriage, current husband does not want to participate in this show and is never filmed although their wedding was filmed on another reality show. Left because of Danielle’s stalking.
Caroline – Dina’s older sister and protector, mom of 3 grown children. I like her, although I think she would do well to leave this show.
Jacqueline – mom of 1 teenage daughter from a previous marriage, and 2 sons from current husband who is also Caroline and Dina’s brother. BFF’s then feuds with Danielle, then her daughter gets into the act and is arrested and fined for assault. NEEDS TO LEAVE THIS SHOW! for her family’s sake.

New Jersey Wannabes:
Elvira – shown in a couple of episodes, party planner for Teresa’s over the top housewarming party. Financial troubles just like Teresa.
Kim D – aka Kim Drunk, owner of Posche store where the other housewives shop, desperately wants to be permanent. PLEASE NO.
Kim G – aka Grandma Kim, Granny Kim, etc … bffs with Danielle until recent episode, two faced, won’t leave Caroline’s “no thank you” about having lunch together alone, was with Danielle for her more classless behaviors. NO THANK YOU, PLEASE LEAVE.

After OC brought Tamra in, the whole vibe changed. It went from “fun” to “girl drama” and it wasn’t so much fun anymore. I say recast all or one and drop the rest. No one allowed with any connection to any current or previous cast member. In fact, go to a new city and try to get the fun back. Go to a city in the middle of America … there are millionaires or wealthy people in any city.

I wouldn’t expect Bravo to try a series with someone like myself … divorced mom with 2 teenage girls who struggles to meet bills and give my girls not only what they need but some of what they want. There are a million of us out here. Anything is better than watching these cartoon characters in action. Just my 2 cents.

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RHNJ 8/9 And America Blushes, Embarrassed

Wow, are we ever gonna get to the end of this season?

Review: Teresa likes to throw parties, even if she’s declared bandrumpsy … blankfunkcy … uh, she ain’t got no money to pay her bills. Joe took the checkbook to start keeping track of her spending (too little, too late. Although I don’t believe it was 100% her doing the spending.) Caroline asks hubby Albert to retire, meaning not to retire but cut back his hours and spend more time with her since their kids are grown and living their own lives. Jacqueline is still harping on Ashley (on camera and in front of hubby Chris anyway), Ashley wants to move on and Chris is telling them they are family and stop fighting over the Danielle issue.

This episode:
Teresa … Teresa and Joe are cooking dinner for Jacqueline and Chris L to discuss Joe’s accident. Chris offers to drive if they are going somewhere, everyone has a laugh and Teresa asks what he’s trying to say.

Danielle … she meets Danny P at a diner and after small talk about smoothies and anti-oxidents, he is beside himself to bring up the Joe had a DWI issue. Danielle is quick to tell us that everyone is talking about Joe drunk driving at 2 a.m. instead of being at home with his 4 children and wife.

Teresa … tells Joe to “tell’em what happened, babe”, and Joe spins his tale about being tired and yawned – wasn’t from Drinking At All. Jacqueline, after downing her drink exclaims “You weren’t even drinking that night!” Teresa “Thank You!” Joe “I yawned for like a second, I shut my eyes for like a second, I floored it a little bit … I turned it and I floored it. I almost hit like 4 trees, (Smacks his hands) I hit the pole.” Chris “It was lucky it didn’t catch fire.” Joe ” An angel was lookin over me, anyway.” Teresa “Me and the girls still neeeed um.” Joe “So I was waiting in front of a friend of my father’s house and he’s like having a heart attack you know, he thought for sure whoever was in the truck was dead.” Teresa “It was a miracle that Joe got himself out of the car and Thank God he wasn’t hurt … it was a unfortunate situation.” And in Teresa’s mind, it’s all good. Except, not.

Danielle … “How sad is that … you just don’t have the responsibility to not, what, call cab. Cause how sad would that be, you leave your 4 children, and your wife a widow, albeit it’s Ta-ree-sa … but … hey! YOu know what really makes me angry? You have enough money to be paying cash for housefuls of furniture, and buying Maseratis and all these cars that you have, living the dream … you can’t hire a driver?? Why you out to 2 a.m., as a grown man and father, I mean … and I know the strip clubs are still open at that hour.” (Yes, we believe you do know that, Danielle.) “So let’s just call it like it is.” Although I can’t stand her, she is the voice of reason here.

Joe … continuing his story “I’m shooken up from this freakin accident.” Teresa “I’m SHORE.” Joe “So I go into his house, he’s got a bottle a Johnny Green sitting there. That’s all I had to see.” Jacqueline “You did not have … ” Joe “Ah, yeah, I had about 4, 3 or 4 … I didn’t give a sh**” Jac “Before the COPS GOT THERE? WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?” “I didn’t give a sh**, the truck’s destroyed, whaddya think I’d (couldn’t hear over Jacqueline’s screeching)” Jac “But that’s why there was alcohol in your blood you fool!” Joe” I don’t give a sh–, he offers me cawffee and water, what am I gonna do with cawfee and water?” Jac “Did you tell the cop that?” Teresa “The cop didn’t ask him … not ONE -” Jac “cause it hadn’t kicked in yet.” Joe “I know I wasn’t drunk. If I’m drunk, my wife knows that I give her the keys.” (DUH, She wasn’t there!) Jac “I couldn’t believe he would do that … how did you drink a couple shots of scotch … How did you do that? Please! … Like, what’s wrong with you??” Chris looks more and more disbelieving throughout the whole story. Teresa “Thank God he didn’t hit anyone, Thank God he’s okay. Joe “I don’t care about all that bs, I don’t give a sh– about the truck, whatever, nobody got hurt and that’s all that matters.” Jac “Seriously, it coulda been so much worse.” Joe “When they made me go in that ambulance, you don’t even know … I was freakin out.” Teresa “I was so scared. God forbid, anything happen to Joe … I don’t know what I would have done. It’s like, you know … it’s tough.” Chris “Thank God you weren’t with him.” Joe “Thank God she wasn’t with me .. Thank God nobody was with me … and I thank God nobody was in my path … Those trees shouldn’ta even been there. Thank God.”

Danielle … “Drinking and driving to me is disgusting.” She starts griping about Caroline and Dina investigating her and not Joe. Danny offers that Joe had more money, and Danielle says she had more money than all of them when she was married to “my children’s father.” Karma is a real big bitch … She’s gonna continue to live in the love and light that they make fun of while their darkness reigns upon them. (Note: where is this love and light? Stalking a family for daring not to invite you to a $1000/plate event, spewing venom at this group then being shocked when they respond or chase you through a country club … grafting on to those with money and clout in the community until the next victim comes along … basically using everyone you know and wondering why no one sticks with you…. and the unforgivable act of hijacking a charity event for a cancer-ridden child with your mob of misfits more than willing to tear up the place while you give your sly approving grin and admonish them to not mess with Chris M, only because he’s underage. He’s older than Ashley, who didn’t receive the same consideration from you. You baited her for months and played that teenage game until she snapped. This made BOTH of you look poorly.)

We are now only 7 minutes into the episode … SIGH.

Caroline and Jacqueline in a restaurant waiting on Teresa, commenting that she’s probably shopping right now. Teresa shows up, and they were correct, she bought a jacket for her ensemble. They asked about Joe, he’s okay and it’s a small town and everyone talks. Teresa wants to go away somewhere, Jacqueline doesn’t want to be in a bathing suit so the Caribbean is out, Teresa suggests Italy, and they all agree. Both Teresa and Joe’s families are from the same town in Italy. Now to convince the men. (Next time be sure to get in writing “NO KIDS!”)

Caroline … she comes in all sweet, fooling no one. Caroline says she brought up the “getting away” thing, and Teresa suggested Italy.

Jacqueline … has the younger 2 kids dressed in Italy gear, she’s poured Italian wine, and hits up hubby Chris to go somewhere. He askes where, and she tells CJ to stand to the side so dad can see his ITALY jacket … Chris does catch the clue and says “Lemme guess, Italy.”

Albert … (In the best foreshadowing of the episode) “I don’t wanna go with 18 kids, all running around, all crazy … I want just you, me and then the other couples.”

Teresa tells her kids “It’s only gonna be ‘couples only'” and the hysterics begin. I would be administering some hard and fast discipline right then, but Teresa caves and says “Only kidding … we were only kidding. We would NEVER go on a vacation without you girls.” The tears are wiped away and the parents laugh. (Bravo is paying, so they’re taking EVERYONE.)

Caroline … tells Albert she’s excited he’s going to Italy with her, and he reiterates “and the kids are not going?” Caroline “No.” Albert, wise person he is, “Not our kids … THEIR kids?” Caroline (busted) “I don’t know.” Albert “What do you mean you don’t know?” Caroline “Well, let’s just see what happens.” Caroline promises to find their time alone.

Jacqueline … Ashley can’t go, the younger ones will and maybe they should take their parents and everyone can watch the kids.

Teresa … brings up taking both sets of parents since that’s where they were born. Joe “We’ll see.”

Caroline … It’s a step in the right direction, going off on vacations together. Albert says we could go to a tropical island. Caroline says it would be nice to go with her brother (Chris Laurita) and her parents. It would be a nice gift if they could bring them. Albert says he’ll watch everything at home while she’s gone and get’s “The Look” in return.

Teresa … to Joe, “Can we go?” Joe “We’ll see.” Teresa calls in the troops “Girls! Daddy said ‘We’ll See'” and Joe is attacked by mini me Teresas demanding to go to Italy. He finally agrees as long as the kids pay for it.

Chris L agrees to go.

Albert says whereever it is, as long as it’s with you, it’s good. Caroline “That’s why I keep you!”

Teresa … all their families are at their house the day before, Teresa shares that her mom was pregnant with her when they first came to America. Milania will celebrate her 4th birthday in Italy. More bratty behavior from the mini mes.

Albert does not pack, the boys come in to alleviate their fears about being left behind. Then tells Albert to treat their mom right.

Jacqueline … packing with Ashley, who is not going. She gets the no party/no loveshack speech. Ashley is working to pay off her attorney and take responsibility for her actions. (Which I agree!) More ignore Danielle directives.

Teresa … everyone meets at Teresa’s house. Introductions all around. There are about 20 people going. 5 Guidices plus 4 grandparents, 4 Lauritas plus 4 grandparents, Caroline and Albert. A vase is broken and the culprit turns out to be Jacqueline’s mom. They feel bad but Teresa tries to put them at ease. They hire an rv to take them to the airport.

Touchdown in Venice …. head counts and luggage gathering. They are spending the day in Venice, then taking a cruise to Naples, then Teresa and Joe’s hometown. (Salapenzonina?)

Caroline … This trip is gonna be pure and utter chaos. Jacqueline “Is CJ back there?” Joe “No, we left’im on da plane.”

Teresa … in Saint Mark’s Square “Oh, be-you-ti-ful” (This girl’s voice would be the cause of her death if I had to be around it 24/7.) Cute kids following birds … Picture time …

Teresa “Venice is a town that’s made on water?” Caroline “Everyone is exhausted but Teresa is on a rapid pace, I don’t know what she’s thinking. Both my parents are in their mid-70s. SIGH.”

Gondola rides … Teresa’s brood minus the baby, Teresa’s kevlar-piercing voice “Honey isn’t this romantic?? With our 3 daughters?” Joe mumbles an answer … then “Their cars are boats over here.” He admonishes Milania not to fall in or the sea rats will get you.

Jacqueline … disappointed that the gondola drivers do not sing. “They sing at the Venetian Hotel … yes they do!”

Caroline … good call on not bringing babies on the gondolas, it’s too cold. She loved seeing her parents on the gondola. Joe is ready to get off the boat, he’s getting sea sick.

Teresa wants to go to Chanel … even though they have one in NY … she will find it in Venice. After dragging everyone through the streets, it’s closed. No matter, she finds another shop that’s open so they go in there and she buys a gaudy ring for her stubby hand.

Now taking a water taxi to the ship. During the ride, as Jacqueline is trying to take in the beautiful sights, she hears Teresa’s piercing tones “JOE!! SPANK ME!!” (She must die.) Jac does a great impression, btw.

Nice shots of the ship … Costa Deliziosa … free publicity for the cruise and Teresa and Jacqueline compliment them. Then we find out Caroline does not like cruises. She feels like a hamster and does not like the feeling of being trapped. When the ship left Venice, they all went to the top of the boat. Happy time, one family … where’s Gabriella???

Chris and Joe sit at a bar, and talk about the accident. Chris just mentions if Teresa was there she mighta gotten hurt. (This is Chris telling Joe to be more careful!) They talk about how it’s nice to get away from the bs, and Joe says it’s good to put all that bs behind him. (I don’t think you two were on the same page … Chris may be talking about Danielle drama, but I believe you were talking about Bankruptcy and DWI problems.) Then, strangely, the talk turns to Danielle. Since Danielle has no one, no family or friends around her, it must be her that’s the problem. Chris says how Jacqueline is a different person away from the Danielle drama
and is having a great time. She’s herself again. They decide they should do this once a year … Joe says “even twice a year.”

NEXT MONDAY: Bus ride with everyone is mayhem. Danielle looks for her mom.

Jacqueline interrupts Albert and Caroline’s massage, and takes over Caroline’s using a fake accent. Caroline has no clue for a minute, until Jacqueline starts laughing. Caroline is coming after her when she’s done … one of the truly “fun” funny parts of the whole episode.

Seems Teresa and Joe want their parents to have time together … and they want time together … so they ask Caroline and Albert (The only ones with NO kids on the trip!) to watch their kids while they have “time” together. From the episode, it seems longer than a couple of hours. Caroline is not happy at all. She went to have alone time with Albert … “Unbelievable.” Caroline, a totally different mom than Teresa does not put up with bad behavior. These girls are not used to not getting their way. I feel for both, but mostly Caroline. No kids in the hot tub (even though we saw other kids in the hot tub) so they had to leave. They found a playroom. Albert was trying to play and Caroline gave him credit for trying when her attitude was poor.

Chris and Jacqueline take a cooking class on the ship. They end up with a 6 out of 10 rating from the chef. They did seem to have fun, so it was time spent.

Jacqueline and Teresa out drinking and making asses of themselves. They are the only ones that matter, so they take over a lounge and fake play on the piano while Teresa squawks something on the microphone. Jacqueline shows her classless side and how she sinks to Teresa’s level pretty easily. Ugh.

Next morning … Milania’s birthday and she wakes up her daddy who bear hugs her in the bed. This is the cutest part of the whole episode. That night, they have a private dining area for Milania’s party.

Jacqueline has a hangover and sea sickness, and poor CJ is sick also. Chris L will represent the family. The Guidice girls prance in like they are royalty (royal pains maybe, but nothing special in reality). The captain visits the table for Milania’s party. The girls are out cold even before the cake gets there. She wanted no part of it, just wanted to sleep. (Should have been a lot EARLIER! DUH.)

Talk turns to Naples … shopping is great but you have to watch out for thieves. And Teresa’s dad adds “mafioso.” Caroline says she didn’t like that, so she’s sticking by Teresa’s dad.

Jacqueline’s up! Still queazy, and her equilibrium was off. Couldn’t find a comfortable position.

Party table talks about Jacqueline’s behavior away from the drama. The point wsa to leave all the negative behind … Caroline “We’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.”

NEXT TIME: The whole crew meets Teresa’s family … Danielle wants to find her mom … drama on the bus to somewhere between Joe and his out of control brood of mini me Teresa’s.

My opinions:
Joe was drinking, coming back from somewhere he shouldn’t have been.

I do not believe anyone that watched this episode would ever volunteer to go on a trip with the Guidices. Their children are undisciplined, and Teresa’s voice cuts through kevlar.

I cannot stand the Guidice family at all and am counting the days for this season to end. They are an embarrassment to America, they behave in a trashy manner and are raising their children to mirror themselves.

Caroline and Albert got played somehow. If Teresa and Joe wanted time together, they had TWO SETS of parents to switch off with. That was just rude.

Why wasn’t Caroline with Jacqueline and Teresa?? Was she still watching the brood, or was she not invited, or not interested in going? I’m hoping it was the latter.

Teresa brings out the worst in people. Cannot stand her.

Danielle does not look any better whether Teresa is disgusting or not. They are both equally disturbing. They do not cancel the other out.

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RHNJ … 8/3 When Nana-mals Attack!

I took a few days to let this one sink in … could not believe some of the things we witnessed, then remembered what show it was and believed it after all.

Recap: remember Dina meeting her goddaughter, Audriana … Joe telling Chris L about the money not flowing in like it was and the 10th anniversary stuff he “bought” for Teresa … Christina’s Sweet 16 bash … Kim G (Nana-mal, according to my youngest daughter, Shae) playing both sides … Caroline’s ominous words “I wouldn’t want to be her (Kim G) when she (Danielle) finds out.”

Teresa “People make fun of Jersey Girls, but I think they’re just jealous.” (No Teresa, we are not jealous. Get over yourself.) Caroline “If you’re gonna mess with my family, you’re messing with me.” (Okay. You’re one of my favorites so no problem yet.)
Jacqueline “People like to have nice things, but I’m not one to brag about it.” (No, you’ll just tweet everything all day long.)
Danielle “You’re either gonna love me, or hate me. There is no in between with me.” (And you think that’s everyone else’s problem? Btw, I don’t like you but I don’t spend my valuable time hating you.)

Teresa and Joe meet with Chris at the Brownstone to discuss the Christening/Baptism reception. Someone needs to hold Teresa’s face still, look into her eyes and tell her “YOU’RE BROKE! Quit spending money yall don’t have.” She wants it to have more of a wedding feel about it … why? Chris, to his credit goes along with everything she says. Joe is not the happy-go-lucky guy he used to be about spending money. Teresa notes that he says “Don’t spend a lot of money.” CLUE!! WE HAVE A CLUE!!! Teresa continues the insanity with Chris, planning the cocktail hour and dinner while Joe mutters about stuff and is clearly NOT HAPPY. She credits Dina with the decorating and is sad that her not being around is because of Dunyell. Caroline brags that Christopher is wanting to impress his dad, Joe says “Don’t worry about it, just make it nice … and not-so-nice. You know what you gotta do.” CLUES ALL AROUND, But Teresa refuses to catch any of them.

Franklin Lakes sign … then Wayne Medical Center sign. Danielle grills her 16 year old daughter about personal things just before going to the gynecologist with her. On Camera. Thank Goodness this was not an exam visit, just a sit down information meeting for Christine where Danielle adds to the discomfort of all by playing “concerned mom” and asking inappropriate questions. Off-camera, it would be great. Why she chose to put this on camera just befuddles me. She is so self centered she cannot see that this is inappropriate to do to a teenage girl. By all means, talk with your kids about your morals and beliefs about sex, but OFF CAMERA.

Caroline … then pan to Kim G’s house. Dude, that sucker is huge. Chris and bff John, Kim G’s son, are hanging out and playing pool. Enter desperado Kim G, who tried to weasel into Caroline’s life through lunch and was gently rebuffed and now has another plan of attack. Her not-to-subtle plan is to convince Chris to set up a lunch with her and Caroline since the kids are such good friends. John is obviously uncomfortable but that doesn’t stop Kim G, oh no, not when there’s camera time to use. Caroline is a tough one, though, and Chris knows it’s not gonna happen. He offers to suggest John and himself tag along … she leaves popcorn with the boys and skips back upstairs, just knowing she’ll get the phone call setting it up within hours. (Btw, I have to say I liked her hairstyle during this segment. It looked much better with bangs rather than showing the five head.)

Teresa … getting everyone ready for the Christening. Her girls are running around trying to get their ensemble together, Teresa’s in some pajamas scurrying around upstairs with the girls, someone (Joe or Teresa’s mom?) is feeding Audriana while Shirtless Joe looks on with NO JOY at all about the coming festivities. The bows in the girls’ hair are larger then their heads and Teresa informs us it will be an Italian Affair … All The Way Italian. (okaaay. Except everyone with Italian heritage that bothered to comment said they’d never heard of most of this stuff she claims is Italian.) Joe is still shirtless, sitting in the kitchen eating the catered sandwiches and looking distinctly grumpy. Teresa informs us that he has been working long hours at the Pizzeria, but as long as his girls are happy that’s all that matters. (My youngest commented “How do you know an infant likes all that stuff?”) For some reason, she puts lotion on his face, which makes him more grumpy. He doesn’t want 1000 pictures … Are you Getting a CLUE YET, TREESA!?!

Dina … driving to the McMansion to prepare her Goddaughter, tells us her role is to guide her spiritually and it’s so special. She’s given the Christening gown and 1st pair of Gucci shoes. Teresa’s “Joe, Do You Like it?” cuts through kevlar and cannot be stopped by anything man-made. Dina has to dress the baby head to toe, and more pictures. Joe musters up a smile for a picture with his baby girl. They load up in the car and they’re off. He spots a $5 Shoe Store and suggests that Treesa shop there. The point is made that she used to write checks and he never knew how much they were, but now she doesn’t have a checkbook. CLUE!! WE HAVE ANOTHER CLUE!! Joe agrees to 2 more pictures but that’s it.

Danielle … Kim G’s house again. Danielle foreshadowing again, tells how special Kim G is to her. “She is my dearest friend.” Danielle wants Kim G to help her with something … she wants to find her birth mom. (So many conflicting stories given by Danielle about her life so who knows what’s going on.) Gave the story that adoptive mom didn’t protect her, she knows bio mom was 14 when she had Danielle, Danielle just wants to “smell my mom.” Kim G knows someone who can help her out.

Teresa … at the church. The priest’s head is blurred out, and we see the Christening. It was nice and everyone on Team Manzo was there.

Brownstone … ice sculpture of an angel with red letters “God Bless Audrianna”. The opulence is overwhelming, including a Marie Antoinette table girl serving sushi and a cross ice sculpture and bread with “God Bless Audrianna”. Teresa compliments Chris for a great job and more party shots. Dina received credit for her decorations … Teresa and Joe did a First Dance with Audriana. The sisters joined in and it was a family dance. Everyone got teary-eyed. Teresa asks if it was worth it, and Joe mumbles an answer. She mentions this is the last time because if they have another baby there will be more pictures. Joe leaves before he sees the bill.

Danielle … taking her girls to dinner. She asks about the Sweet 16 opinions. Christine lets out that one of her friends heard it from the girl who does Teresa’s eyebrows that she heard that Danielle is looking for her biological mom. Danielle’s face goes to Crazytown, and you can see her girls’ look like “Here we go again.” Danielle decides that Kim G is carrying tales about her life to the enemy. She leaves to make a phone call, positioned next to the window where her girls are and you know they can hear what’s going on. Christine comments “Nice Family Dinner.” as Danielle steps out. She calls Danny P, for some reason, and they agree that it was despicable and wonder what ‘their’ next move will be.

Back to the Brownstone … Caroline, Jacqueline and Teresa were commenting how it was more like a wedding. They were having fun and making faces at the baby.

(Next Week: Teresa declares “What happens in Ilaly, stays in Ilaly.” Teresa’s brood in a gondola with the kids in fur coats and hats. Danny P informs Danielle about Joe’s traffic violation and she grimaces with glee. Joe tries to explain away the wreck to Jacqueline and Chris Laurita.)

Brownstone … Chris is setting up tables when Caroline drops by on his 1st year anniversary as Office Banquet Manager. She asks about bff John, and Chris brings up Kim G wanting to have lunch with Caroline and says he and John will go too. Caroline says she just accompanied Danielle to the court house and that’s why she will not pursue a friendship with her … and she will experience an “Uh oh” moment sooner or later. Basically, it’s a NO. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Jacqueline … Kim G “drops” by, and drops some f bombs at the same time. In front of the baby … not classy. Jac play kicked her in the butt, but she kept going. Jac was still upset that Kim G accompanied Danielle to court, but Kim G rants that it’s all over. I’m gonna apologize to you. What did Danielle do?? She told others not to be friends with her. Jac “what is this, junior high?” Kim G lists things she did for Danielle and is appalled that she would do that to her. Jac calls her out on her 2 faced behavior. Kim G tells Jac to let the others know she’s done with Danielle. Jac says maybe she’s figured out that you have been talking to me. No one wants to hang out with me … I can’t be bffs with you, Caroline won’t have lunch with me, nobody wants to bother with me. Anyway … Kim’s DONE.

Danielle … lets in Danny P to her home. They plot their reaction. After ranting about it … Danny asks what the plan is. They are going to Portabello and let her know “I know.”

Portabello … Danny reminds her about punches and Danielle dismisses it saying that’s why I brought you. Kim G is waiting at a table. Danielle sits and tells Kim G that Christine was very upset when she asked if I was looking for my biological mother. And I asked her how she found out and she said that her friend found out from Teresa. Danielle “I know that you are speaking with them … ” Kim G “Absolutely.” Not the denial Danielle was expecting, she was taken aback by the admission. Danielle “You should have never talked about something this private … especially with those animals.” Kim G shrugs Danielle “At least I now know who I’ve been dealing with all this time.” Kim G “You see, I’m gonna tell you something, Danielle. I thought nothing of that. I don’t have a beef with these women, You Do.” (Thank you, btw, for using the correct tense Women!) “And I’ve been a real good friend to you. But some of the situations I’ve been in with you have been not good, and uncomfortable, (flashback to Danny’s tirade at the charity event, then Kim bringing it up to Danielle who turns it back and blames Chris’ parents for letting him deal with Danielle all alone. The birthday party scene about talking about the others.) It degenerated into a “you can’t be friends with me and them.” Kim G’s voice kept getting louder and louder as she turns into Nana-mal, Danielle denies Kim was ever a friend, and as Danielle leaves Kim drops all kinds of curse words all the way out. The other diners were openly laughing at them.

Next week … more Grumpy Joe as Teresa refuses to acknowledge the clues he’s throwing at her. But hey! It’s in Italy (Illaly)

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RHNJ … What I’d like to see on the Reunion

First of all, I’ve heard that the reunion is 4 hours long. 4 Fricken Hours. I’m taking the opinion that since they haven’t filmed it yet they have no idea how long it will be.

We have no idea if the housewives will legally be allowed in the same room, since Danielle is trying to get a restraining order against Teresa and Jacqueline (and Ashley), and Teresa has reciprocated. I think it would be funny if they were ALL on tv screens propped up in chairs surrounding Andy.

These are some things I would like closure on … notice I said closure, Andy, and not halfway brought up and allowed to be skipped over:

Teresa‘s $11 million debt. She is nothing but a thief and fraud and has cost honest working people their livelihood. Nothing can make up for that. It is not just Joe’s debt, it is both Joe’s and your debt. You are disgusting, and proved yourself on the same level as Danielle. Also, not too bright bragging about what all you have on tv, internet, and in magazines and “forgetting” to list them  on the bankrupcy papers.  Another thing, lose the sex talk. It’s disgusting and no one a) cares, b) believes you anyway. The confrontation with Danielle … you made an ass of yourself. You are no teenager, wagging your silly little head and trying to out talk the other person. You were spoiling for a fight and you got one.

Jacqueline, you need to stop playing mom/bff with your daughter. It’s confusing and not doing her any good. There are many single moms out here, myself included, and that’s no excuse. You let yourself get tainted with the same brush as Teresa at the fashion show when you couldn’t keep yourself from spewing venom as well.

Danielle confronted on her frog mouth out-jumping her tadpole arse. She keeps talking a huge fight but RUNS at the first sign of conflict. You accused Dina of always running away when she informed you that she was washing you out of her hair and life. (Yes, she is allowed to decide who is in her life and who is not. Learn to accept rejection gracefully.) Yet you threw a barb at Teresa and broke your own ridiculously high heels trying to escape from her. Why? The last thing she’d do is assault you. She’s old enough to know how the game is played, unlike the immature 19 year old you took advantage of. A mature, adult, sane woman (please start using this word and it’s plural, women, correctly!) would have ignored the messages and she would have gone away. I hope after you’ve seen the episodes, you’ve apologized for your atrocious actions at the charity event. You brought unpaid, extra people and had the stupidity/gall to be offended that they did not have seating for them. You gave the head nod for your thugs to trash the place. You have no room to talk about anyone else. Love and light … there was none of that in this season. You thought it sounded good coming out of your mouth,  but unfortunately reverted to the same ole you at the first sign of drama. Smiling and shaking Chris Manzo’s hand, while thinking “FU” the whole time and announcing it in your interview. You showed your ass yet again. Your problem was with the mother, not him. Grow up.

Caroline, probably the smartest one of the whole group separating herself from Danielle the whole season. She nailed it when she informed Teresa and Jacqueline that they handed Danielle everything she ever wanted.

Dina, whatever your real reason I believe getting away from Danielle was 95% of it. Hope it worked for you, you and Lexi were missed.

Kims D and G.  Mission accomplished. You schemed for drama and you got it. How do you both think you came off this season? Kim D … drunk. They did show Posche every chance they got so at least that worked in your favor. Kim G … grandma. You shared some of the worst scenes of this whole season. You were part of the entourage, although sources say you were the only one to pay, including Danielle and her ‘escort’. You  kept steering Danielle back to the Teresa confrontation, and reveled in being 2 faced to both sides. How can you look Jacqueline in the face after suggesting (it’s on tape, we all saw it) that Danielle go to the police?? You’ve shown your ass as well, sadly literally as well as figuratively.

Ashley, you were at the heart of the trouble because you didn’t walk away from a crazy person, more than twice your age pushing your buttons. Your immature, teenage mindset cost your mom a lot of grief, and is still to this day. Let The Adults Deal with situations, you may be a ‘legal’ adult but you do not have the experience or maturity to handle the Danielles of the world. Stop blogging, stop the media crap, get a real job, go to school and figure out a career and live your life.

Albie, not sure what the problem really was but if you get another shot do not blow it. Use this as a learning experience, get away from the media and focus on what is important to you.

Chris, good luck with that car wash.

Lauren, smart girl, you were barely featured this season. What we saw showed you in a great light and I wish you all the best.

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Big Brother 12 Impressions 7/12

I am still impressed with myself for not breaking down yet and hitting the BB live feed spoiler forum on one of my regular blogs, Fans of Reality Tv. http://www.fansofrealitytv.com . I’ve stayed on the show forum so far, but I know I’ll crack sometime.

A brief review of what’s happened so far … Hayden was the first HoH and put the Showmance couple, Brenden and Rachel up for eviction. Alas, Brenden won PoV and their friend Annie was chosen as replacement nominee. She did not take this graciously.

Meanwhile, there has been a Saboteur on the loose. This person is not in the running to win the big money, but if this person lasts 5 weeks then they will win $50K. So far, this evil demon has used a blackout to put a padlock on the pantry room door, subjecting the others to the dreaded BB Slop. Saboteur has also put green Xs overnight on Brittney and Kathy’s photo, and informed the houseguests (and viewers) that 2 of their number already knew each other before entering the house. Saboteur fibbed to the houseguests that the Saboteur had escaped the nominations, causing people to point the finger at Brenden.

On Thursday, Annie was the first houseguest evicted this season.  At the HoH competition, the houseguests had to guess how the majority of them would answer questions. If your answer was not in the majority, you were eliminated. At the end of the questions, Brittney, Monet and Rachel were still standing. The tie breaker question – “How many gallons of caramel were used in the Have/Have Not competition?” determined the winner to be Rachel. You could almost hear other hearts hitting the floor as the Showmance couple lived to love another week.

Sunday brought us another Have/Have Not competition. Houseguests were divided into 3 teams and one team member was taped to a wall. This wall began it’s journey laying flat, but after a set time started to rise until it was vertical. At this time the other team members used water cannons to try to get the other team’s wallperson to fall. Ragan was the first off the wall, then Brittney could not breathe and her team members tore her down. That meant Kathy’s team won and decided that all of Brittney’s team – Enzo, Brittney, Monet, and ????  will be sleeping in the dreaded Have Not room. Maggots and other insects in jars, pool loungers instead of beds just add to the terror of this room.

During this show, we get to see the Saboteur lure the others into the living room, where their message breaks down to show Annie was it all along.

Finally, the nomination ceremony. Rachel nominated Brittney and Monet, who were visibly upset, Brittney was crying after the ceremony and Monet was about to. They had both assured her that they had another target, but stated in their interviews that they would put the showmance couple up in a heartbeat.

So who will win the PoV? And will they Veto one of the nominations? Then who will Rachel put up in their place??  I’ll be watching Wednesday …  🙂

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